Monday, June 7, 2010

A Holiday I Wasn't Aware Of...

So today has been especially weird. It seems that someone declared it "Don't Wear Clothing to Work Day" because all I've seen all day have been nekkid people. That's right. People in various states of undress have been parading themselves around the city.

I suppose it started on my way to my stats class this morning. I was catching the eastbound train when I noticed a girl going the other way in what looked like her unmentionables and a wrap skirt. It took me a moment to realize she was wearing a bikini and a sarong around her waist. Guess what. Bikinis are nothing more than glorified underwear. I wanted to ask her if she was embarrassed about forgetting her clothes, but thought better of it (aren't you proud of my self restraint?).

Then, I had to return home during my break between classes. On my way back, another girl sat down. This time, she really was in her underwear. She was wearing a loose, lace camisole. You could see right through it. Really. This wasn't actually a shirt, but a piece of lingerie. You could see her teal, lace bra that had seen a few too many wearings and washings.

But wait! There's more nudity!

As I continued to wait for the train with this girl sitting next to me, some guy ran across. Something was amiss because he didn't look right, and what looked like a cop was chasing him. A friendly neighborhood streaker had decided to run across the train platform in nothing but a pair of tightie whities. Considering that the train was delayed because the cop was trying to pull him off of it, I would assume that he would have stood calmly at the station until the train got there or until a cop started chasing him.

Finally, on my way home, I decided to stop at the grocery store for a nettie pot (fun thing to wash out the sinuses) and some mind bleach to erase the events of the day when what should appear but a heavily tattooed man on a bicycle. How do I know that he was heavily tattooed? He wasn't wearing a shirt, and his shorts were pretty short. Also, I saw that his nipples were rather puffy. Nipples shouldn't do that to you. Really. If they do, I apologize in advance for your deformity.

I suppose what I'm really trying to say is, SALT LAKE CITY, PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON! It isn't that hard!

Oh, and in case you were wondering, Whole Foods doesn't sell mind bleach.

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Help, The Stash is Attacking! When Yarn, Knitting and Growing Up Go Terribly Awry by Kimberly Lewis is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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